Buckle-up: Xmas survival tips for difficult and nauseating relatives
Announcement posted by Invigorate PR 15 Dec 2025
Christmas is known as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many Australians, it's the most emotionally draining. Difficult relatives, old tensions, unresolved issues and uncomfortable family dynamics can turn what should be a joyful celebration into a stress-filled endurance test.
According to Elizabeth Jane, mental health thought leader and best-selling author of Free and First - Unlocking Your Ultimate Life, the emotional pressure people feel around Christmas is often rooted in family patterns that have existed for years.
"Families bring history, and history can bring tension," Jane said.
"Some people dread Christmas not because of the day itself, but because of the people they know they'll be forced to sit across from. If you're already feeling anxious in November, your body is telling you something important, you need a plan."
You're not imagining the tension
Jane said many people feel guilty for disliking Christmas catch-ups, but this guilt is misplaced.
"It's very common to love your family but not enjoy being around them," she explained.
"It could be passive-aggressive comments, old rivalries, boundary-crossing, criticism, jealousy, competitiveness or simply relatives who drain your energy. When you spend a whole day with people who push your emotional buttons, your nervous system goes into overdrive."
She said the emotional toll is real and it often shows up physically through headaches, exhaustion, irritability, tightness in the chest and disrupted sleep days beforehand.
Why the holidays trigger unresolved family issues
Christmas gatherings act like a pressure cooker. Expectations are high, emotions run hot and unspoken issues from years ago suddenly rise to the surface.
"For many people, Christmas forces them into rooms with people they spend the other 364 days avoiding," Jane said.
"When that happens, the body remembers every past hurt, every criticism, every moment you felt small or unseen. That's why Christmas can feel triggering, it's not the present moment, it's the past speaking."
How to mentally prepare yourself for Christmas with difficult relatives
Jane said the key to surviving and even enjoying Christmas lies in mental preparation and emotional boundaries.
"Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you have to abandon your wellbeing," she said.
"Preparing mentally is not about being defensive. It's about prioritising your wellbeing and protecting your peace."
Preparation begins with honesty
"Admit to yourself that the tension exists. When you stop pretending everything is fine, you can make better choices about how you show up," Jane said.
Mental preparation can include reducing contact beforehand to preserve emotional energy, planning where you will sit, limiting the duration of your visit, having an exit strategy or driving separately so you can leave early if needed.
"Peace comes from having options," Jane said.
"You are allowed to honour your limits, even at Christmas."
You don't owe anyone festive perfection
A common trap, Jane said, is feeling the need to keep the peace at the expense of your own wellbeing.
"Many people go into Christmas trying to hold everything together for the sake of the day," she said.
"They swallow comments, hide discomfort and absorb the emotional load to avoid conflict. But suppressing your feelings for the comfort of others only leads to resentment and burnout."
She emphasises that you are not responsible for everyone else's happiness especially if it destroys your own.
"Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is step away, leave early or choose a smaller celebration with people who make you feel safe and valued," she said.
Give yourself permission to protect your peace
Jane believes that Christmas, more than any other time of year, requires courage, the courage to say no, to pull back, to choose differently and to prioritise emotional safety.
"You are not obligated to sit in environments that make you feel anxious, belittled or uncomfortable," she said.
"Your peace matters. Your mental wellbeing matters and Christmas does not give anyone a free pass to mistreat or disrespect you."
You deserve a Christmas that feels calm, not chaotic, connected, not combative and nurturing, not nerve-wracking.
Your inner state matters
Unfortunately, we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are, that is, how we are feeling. If we are feeling tense, upset, insecure or reactive we tend to draw in situations that mirror those feelings. We attract and manifest what corresponds to our inner state.
So, it's vital to to embody as much as possible a calm, non-reactive demeaner. Remember we cannot control the actions of others but only how we respond. We can choose to fuel the fire or step back and let it go accepting that is where the other person is at right now, don't take on their negative energy. It doesn't mean that we need to condone their behaviour, but recognise we don't need to take on their stuff, it's not ours to carry.
If someone or something doesn't align with your happiness or your narrative, it's best for your wellbeing to release it.
"When you protect your peace, you create a Christmas experience that actually feels like a celebration," Jane said.
"That's the greatest gift you can give yourself."
About Elizabeth Jane
Elizabeth Jane is an Australian artist, author and public speaker. She uses a selection of painting media in her art, including acrylic oil and water colour. Digital and canvas versions of her art are available for purchase through her website. Jane's debut book, 'Free and First - Unlocking Your Ultimate Life', was written as part of her healing process following her divorce, which ended a 25-year marriage. Jane aims to develop wellness centres and healing sanctuaries focused on helping people to recover from relationship breakdowns and other life issues.